I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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