Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
