i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
