I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
