walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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