We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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