"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
