I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
