Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
