my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
