She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
