I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
