i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
