I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
