OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
