I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Randomize
