Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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