i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He felt like a one man threesome
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
