Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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