he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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