Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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