You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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