she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
