There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We got so high we made milksteak
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
