Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Randomize
