my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
