God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
