not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
