My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize