I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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