Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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