Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
