Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
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If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
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You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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