How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
