Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I have aggressive nipples.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
