i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
