after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
