we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize