Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Randomize