so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
