My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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