I heard we made out
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
God I need to hump something, right now.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
