First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
