i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
