You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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