Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize