the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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