whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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