Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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