You're earring is so big in my mouth
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
