My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
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