I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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