You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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