I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
