new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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