That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
