Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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