He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
