It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
where am i from again
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
