I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
