Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
