I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
