I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
