The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
