How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
