sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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