I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
