Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
