i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
