It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
