This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
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I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
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Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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