Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
