We're facebook friends in real life
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
