You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My underwear smells like fireworks.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Randomize
